Friday, August 3, 2012

Why my husband is going to buy me an iPad...

My future baby.  Like it?

At the end of this month I will be celebrating my nine year anniversary with my amazing husband, two days later I will be celebrating my 20th birthday (yes, I got married at 11 year old and if you don’t believe me then ask my plastic surgeon).   I’ve thought long and hard about what I want, and I’ve decided to finally move into the 21st century by getting an Apple iPad.  I am tired of being the only person waiting in the pickup line at Thing #1’s school without one to keep me entertained as parents in the front of the line (the good parents that show up early and actually want to take their kids home)take their time strapping Buffy and Blake tightly into their Mercedes station wagon while giving them huge kisses and asking about their day, all while I’m dealing with two screaming kids in the backseat and one that is threatening to pee his car seat if I don’t take him to a bathroom “RIGHT NOW”.  I mean seriously, I’m pretty sure some kids in Coto are getting them on their 1st birthdays. 

 I want one, RIGHT NOW!  So I am trying to come up with a list of reasons that will convince my amazing husband that the money invested in purchasing one will be worth it.  So here it goes:
1.        iPads don’t get (many)  STD’s viruses. I have had a huge problem, in that past, with the websites that I frequent (*cough* TMZ *cough*) leaving me with many broken promises and contagious diseases.  After feeling used and unwanted, they also end up slowing down my computer to the point that my I could paint my whole living room, clean up my mess, and watch the paint dry all while my computer is still trying to open up Internet Explorer.  My husband gets frustrated; he gets down right mad.   So this will not only save my husband from premature wrinkling but it will also save us from any future therapy sessions ($10 co-pays add up fast).  My point- This will make my husband’s life so much happier.

2.       I’m saving trees, which equals dollar signs when you add up all the $6 paperback books I keep purchasing from Target.  I have already confessed to reading horrible chick-lit books, and sadly this obsession doesn’t seem to be fading.  As a matter of fact, I’m in desperate need to start a new book (any recommendations?) and my fingers keep twitching each time I go to buy one at Target and notice the price tag.  I know that I could be going to the library but with the three kids, it ends up being a nightmare.  I never know what I want, I try to drag them to the adult fiction section all why trying to whisper things like “stop talking” “don’t run” “stop hitting each other” and “get your finger out of your nose”.  It’s not very enjoyable.  So I prefer Target, because they can behave badly but I ignore it due to the vast amount of items in their 75% off section.  My point- books keep me entertained and out of the malls, but are expensive, so I need an eReader… Stat. 

3.        Steve Jobs is dead.  Poor Steve Jobs passed away and his wife and kids are left behind with mere pennies.  So as a follow wife, mother, and woman I feel like it is my duty to help support his family and to keep food in his children’s bellies and a roof over their head.  We can write this off as me being a Humanitarian.  My point- this could possibly count as a tax deduction on our 2012 tax return.

4.       I want to cook unbelievable recipes, but need to find them first.  Normally I take our very expensive computer into my kitchen and use it to Google recipes for dinner.  Halfway through making those amazing dinners, I start to get things in my laptop’s keyboard; like flour and sugar.  Eventually my laptop stops working, or at least a few of the letters will start sticking together.  So when I try to fill out the refinance paperwork for our mortgage online it says that my name is “Rin” instead of “Briana” due to the “B” and the “A” no longer being in service.  Which then can lead to our loan being denied due to fraud since that is obviously not my name.  My point- this could keep us out of jail for identity theft and your belly filled with good food.  

5.       We will become unicorns and fly over rainbows.   Well, that’s not exactly true.  But I will be able to save all of our kids photos on something called a “cloud” which will save you from having to sync our laptops up to the external hard drive every time the news talks about a new virus that is killing all the laptops and causing people to lose their irreplaceable photos.  And since I have been known to freak out by those news reports, this will help calm my nerves and relieve you from spending hours trying to sort through which photos need to be moved over and which ones already have.  My point- At the end of this rainbow is a cloud, filled with iPads that are just begging for you to take them home.  So buy one, buy one now. 

6.       It’s cheaper than the 2 carat diamond I have already requested for our 10 year anniversary.  This doesn’t really need an explanation, just a mere “Thank you” will do.

I would love to make my list “10 Reasons Why I need an iPad” but I stopped with ideas once I got to #7, so that is where all of you (my awesome readers) come into play.  Please post in the comments section any reasons why you think it is completely necessary for my husband to purchase me an iPad for my anniversary/birthday.  And they have to be reasons why my husband will want me to have one, not reasons that I want one.  So no “they have a new vibrating app you can purchase that works great when you are reading ’50 Shades of Grey’”, because I’m pretty sure that won’t be a selling point for him.

Any and all reasons will be read and I will post next week my final four to complete the list.  Then I will forward it to my husband, cross my fingers and toes, and pray that he will find it in his heart to grant me this one wish.  Especially since I never, ever, ever ask for anything…


  1. You'll shut up about it if he buys it for you. And a case, and any fancy attachments.

  2. You need one because it is the best thing ever! I love mine.